Presence is like pornography:  it’s hard to define, but you know it when you see it, or in the case of speech, see and hear it.

Presence is a powerful commodity, one that leaders, entertainers, and influencers of all types would like to have.  In fact, anyone who wants to be persuasive on the job or in social settings covets it.

Three questions.  First, admitting that it’s hard to define, can we sketch in its elements? Second, can we cultivate it? And if so, how?

What are the elements of presence?

Let’s start with what it’s not.  It’s not beauty or physical attractiveness.  There are lots of Barbies and Kens who look perfect and lack presence.

It’s not intelligence.  The socially inept genius is a cliché. 

It’s not talent, because some creative people are dull in person but vivid and electric in their work.

So what is it?  Here’s my attempt to describe it. Presence is confidence, composure, and responsiveness.  It is the capacity to communicate with others in an emotional, intellectual, and expressive manner.

Can presence be cultivated?

I believe it can be developed through deliberate practice, which is a term that has emerged over the last few years to describe how average people achieve extraordinary results.

Actors, singers, dancers, figure skaters and speakers all try to cultivate it. It’s part of their job.  For some, it’s a performance, for others it comes naturally.

Presence could include posture and a self-possessed quality of movement.  It could include an appealing voice, a sense of humor, the capacity for intimacy, and the ability to respond to the signals you pick up from others.

Presence can also derive from the perception that you don’t care whether people like you or not.  Since we are deeply social creatures, a person willing to walk away from the herd tends to get attention.

How can we cultivate presence?

Be curious.  Endlessly curious.  Be a good listener.  Ask a lot of questions.  Sit up straight.  Be expressive when listening.  Acknowledge what the other person has said so that they feel heard and recognized. 

Dress in order to dignify your encounters with others.  Have convictions and express them with care for the views of others.  Develop your voice so that it is resonant and musical.

Explain your point of view knowing what history and science have to say about organizing your thoughts for maximum persuasiveness.  Take such an interest in your audience that you care more about their understanding than you do about the outcomes. 

This is an important point.  If you have an objective you want to achieve, others sense it, and feel that you are talking at them, not with them or to them.  You have to start where they are, and lead them from that spot toward the spot on which you would like them to stand.

In other words, you must be highly empathetic, highly assertive and highly expressive.  None of us bats 1000 on all three, but presence is a journey not a destination.

It will come and go depending on the circumstances.  For some of us who are shy, or young, and surrounded by those with more power and experience, we will have to fake it ‘til we make it.

But the best way to change behavior is to practice changing behavior.  We can behave in a manner that is outside our comfort zone for short periods of time, and when we repeat those short periods for lengthier periods, we begin to find a new way of being.

And that can serve us well.

Sims Wyeth is a speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills andpublic speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

What is the purpose of an LP Meeting?

Is it to inform the limited partners about the performance of their investments? I don’t think so. 

The LPs already know the numbers.   They don’t come to the meeting to hear the numbers.  They come to hear what the manager thinks about the numbers.

There’s a big difference. 

Numbers are, we hope, facts about the past.  They are commodities—everybody has them, and their value is depressed. 

What we think about the numbers are opinions.  They have the potential for being unique and differentiated, and their value can be considerable. 

When a manager expresses a clear, compelling and fact-based opinion at an LP meeting, he has a chance of differentiating himself and his firm from the pack.

LP meetings have more to do with opinions than with facts.  If performance is down, a manager’s opinions about why are important, as are his opinions about the future.

And investors arrive with opinions about the numbers, and with a desire to hear the opinions of the manager.

Not only that.  Investors arrive with opinions about the manager and his team, and the manager seeks to use the meeting as a branding opportunity to reaffirm positive opinions about his operation, and alter the less-than-favorable opinions of the fence sitters.

Facts and opinions have to work together of course.  Facts are the bricks, opinions the building. 

LP meetings are based on facts, but they’re about opinions.

Sims Wyeth is a speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

I recently received a call from a regional sales leader who said that he was unable to express himself to senior management. 

He speaks effectively to his peers and his direct reports, but said that he has trouble organizing his thoughts when speaking to his boss’s  bosses.

I did not meet him in person, and did not try to figure out what was bothering him over the phone.  I suggested he shop around.  But I am curious.  What’s going on and what can he do about it?

What’s Going On?

Let’s speculate.

1. He’s projecting an image of harsh,  judgmental authority onto the senior leaders, which is causing him to tense up with anxiety.
2. He knows that some senior leaders have a reputation for being tough on presenters–they may use presentations as a stress test for “separating the men from the boys.”
3. He is not taking possession of his own strengths and feels like a child standing before angry parents–in a word, powerless.
4. He knows he is comfortable talking about his accounts, but lacks the ability to speak in broader terms about long-range strategic issues.
5. He can speak about his accounts, but worries about the Q&A.
6. He simply hasn’t spoken to them often enough to get comfortable in their presence.
7. He’s over-reacting.  Everyone is nervous speaking to senior leadership.  There’s much at stake.

What Can He Do about It?

1. First of all, get a basic check-up on his presentation skills–how to organize his information to appeal to his audience, and how to project himself effectively.
2. Rehearse his presentation with simulated real-world pressure.  This means getting people to sit and listen to him stumble through his first efforts.
3. Rehearse enough so that he transfers his knowledge and delivery skills from his cerebral cortex (which is good at learning new stuff) to his cerebellum (which is good at orchestrating lightning fast physical and mental tasks.)
4. Get some support from his immediate boss.  If the company believes in him, they should help him break through this challenge.
5. Get to know some of the senior leaders.  This could be difficult, but who knows what would happen if he called up one or two of them and asked them for some career guidance on how to make the presentation most useful to them.  They might see it as enterprising and thoughtful. 
6. Do some visualizing of the senior leaders as normal, fun-loving folks–people who have his best interests at heart, and who want to see him succeed.
7. Develop his self-esteem and confidence.  Read this article on bnet.com for some insights on how to do this.

It’s hard for many of us to step in front of an unfamiliar audience that we imagine knows more than we do, has more money and education than we do, more power, and in fact, could make or break us (or at least it feels that way.)

This guy was up-front and honest with me, and I respect him for that.  He’s out there trying to solve his problem–to take his skills to another level.  Actually, this is one of those instances when the word “skill” may not be the right word.  This might be more about personal growth.