I was brought up in the full-spin generation.  I was taught to make the strongest possible argument in the strongest possible way for my idea, product, or service, and let the buyer beware.

Under no circumstances, they told me, should I reveal any weakness in the product.  To do so was to open a door through which the audience or the prospect could drive a truckload of fear, uncertainty and doubt (FUD).

Suppose you’re writing a letter of recommendation.  Is it more persuasive to sing the praises of the candidate to the Nth degree, or is it better to sing her praises but also provide an insight into her shortcomings?

It turns out that the latter is more persuasive.  It has more credibility.  Nobody walks on water.  If you want to get the girl a job, it’s better to be fair and balanced.  It’s also ethical to practice full disclosure for the next employer.

This does not mean that you bash the candidate.  It simply means that you describe your experience, good and bad, in a way that does the greatest good.

Think of the current Direct to Consumer (DTC) ads for pharmaceutical products on TV.  We watch the images of couples sitting in separate lion-paw bathtubs gazing at the sun set, while we listen to the sound track whizzing by at almost inaudible speed mentioning horrors such as sterility, madness, seizures, and cardio-myopathy syndrome, which we don’t know anything about (I made it up) but it sounds scary.

Of course, the fine print makes us think twice about taking the drug, but what would we think if we took the drug without being told about side effects?

I’ll tell you how I’d feel.  I’d feel like unleashing the wrath of hell on the manufacturers.

So even if you’re selling consulting services, or elective surgery, you gotta be honest about your shortcomings—about what you can and cannot do or promise. You may lose the business this time, but you will definitely earn their respect for being honest, and that means you live to fight another day.  If you take the job and screw it up, the client is unlikely to hire you again.

Even worse, when you screw it up they’re likely to tell a whole bunch of other people, and slowly but surely your karma circles in on you, like a pride of lions 0n a wounded wart hog.

Sims Wyeth is a speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in presentation skills and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.

Robert Zajonc (pronounced ZYE-unts) was an American social scientist who explored the interplay between feeling and thought—between emotion and cognition.

He was interested in determining which influenced the other more strongly.  On balance, he came down on the side of emotion.

In one widely reported study, he found that smiling or frowning can alter blood flow to the brain as facial muscles relax or contract.

This in turn affects the parts of the brain that regulate feelings, helping induce happy or sad emotional states.

Could smiling help speakers with stage fright?  I think so.

The Buddha is depicted most often with a slight smile on his face—and he had true inner peace.   Little Orphan Annie knew that, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile,” and now we have the work of a renowned scientist to confirm the fact—on balance, it’s better for us when we smile.

People are more likely to like your ideas if they like you.  And one way to get them to like you is to be open and honest about who you are.

This does not mean you have to hold your dirty laundry under their noses.  It simply means that you must give your listeners a glimpse of your private self.

A man came to me selling Long-Term Care Insurance.  He was older—in his 70s—and very easy-going.  He sat across from me as I sat at my desk, and outlined what he would like to cover in our meeting.

He began with the story of how he came to be selling LTCI.  His mother, a single divorced woman at the time, was hit by a car in New York City when she was in her late 50’s.  His older brother was alientated from the family, and so it fell to him to take care of his injured mother. 

Years of operations, home care, and financial struggle ensued. At the time of the accident, he had been a successful insurance agent for Blue Cross Blue Shield.  But soon he saw the need for a new type of insurance—one that could have helped his mother in her difficult circumstances.

And so he left BCBS and joined one of the few insurance companies at that time to be offering LTCI.

I asked questions about his mother and his brother as he told me this story, and learned even more about his life.  And when he asked me about my life, and how I came to my work, I was primed to divulge the deeper instincts that drove me to it.   Simple to say, I felt connected to him, enough to entrust him with the details of my life.

Did I buy insurance?  Well, no…but not because I didn’t want to.  He suggested I buy in the future when it would be more appropriate.

It is important to reveal your personal back story with a sense of proportion, lest your presentation become all about you.  But a few short personal details can help the audience engage with you and your material.  And when you relate your personal details to the larger issue you’re there to discuss, you will be a more effective speaker.

Sims Wyeth is a private speech coach in Montclair, NJ specializing in executive speech coaching and public speaking training in order to give accomplished people the knowledge and skill they need to become accomplished speakers. Learn more public speaking tips at www.SimsWyeth.com.